For families navigating complex picky eating and/or special diets with their children, the holiday gatherings can be especially tricky.
Here are some simple and practical tips to help you navigate your child’s picky eating during holidays:
1. As I encourage you to do on a day-to-day basis, focus on positive food exposures and interactions without any expectations that they actually eat the food. At the holiday gathering and before!
As the holiday approaches, aim to give them some pre-exposure to these foods in the weeks leading up to the holiday at home. This doesn’t have to just be at mealtimes!
There are so many ways you can thoughtfully add food exposures without expectation to eat. Here are a few ideas:
Ask them to help you pick out certain produce at the grocery store. Teaching them how to know when it’s ripe. Naming produce. Counting. Smelling. Talking about colors and touching the textures. This will obviously add time to your grocery store trip but perhaps we could reframe it. Think of it like a food exploration field trip!
Will they be hands-on with it outside of a meal at home, like with a craft or activity? EX: berries as paint, potatoes as stamps, broccoli or asparagus as a paint brush, etc.
Talk about the foods that are traditionally prepared at holidays, your own favorites, the foods they already like that will be there, the food colors, textures, shapes, smells, flavors, etc. Relate these foods to the ones they are already familiar with. EX: “sweet potatoes are orange, they feel like mashed potatoes in your mouth but they’re sweeter”.
Books are another great way to incorporate learning about foods without expectation that they eat the food! The day before, the day of, and on the way to the holiday gathering are ideal times for these conversations and books.
For especially complex picky eaters, a week or two ahead, starting to talk about the upcoming holiday meal might be even more helpful to decrease overwhelm. It may seem like you’re being really repetitive (you are) but if you’re child is struggling with complex picky eating, my guess is that they’ll find the repetition comforting as it’s letting them know what to expect.
2. Consider serving your child a meal before leaving for the holiday gathering.
I know, I know, you're probably thinking, "But they won't eat at the holiday gathering if they ate before we left". With children who are complex picky eaters, chances are that they won't be eating much at the holiday meal anyways, right?
Let’s be real. All of that unfamiliar food, a different environment, more people around, etc. So, to hopefully avoid any behaviors that may come up at the gathering due to hunger and blood sugar regulation, I suggest feeding your child a balanced meal at home before heading to the holiday gathering. Up the protein for longer satiation!
This will hopefully put less pressure on both of you around mealtimes while there, because you know they at least at a decent meal before leaving the house.
3. Bringing a dish? Choose something that you know they will eat. This way, you know there's at least one thing that your child prefers and can be successful with.
If your child is on a special diet or restricted because of food allergies/sensitivities/intolerances, check out this darling Holiday Recipe Collection to see if any of these recipes will work for your child! (All are gluten, casein/dairy, soy, and refined sugar free!)
Get your kid involved in meal prepping the dish prior to the gathering (picking the produce out at the store, chopping, dicing, scooping, dumping, mixing, stirring, pressing a button, scraping into the bowl/pan/etc.).
If they’re capable, let them carry it to and/or hold it in the car. When you arrive, you can have your child share about what they've made with the host or other guests.
If they don't immediately run off to play when you arrive, walk the dish to the food table together and check out what else is there. Talk about what each dish is, who made it, how much love they put into the food, and what you're most looking forward to personally.
Reminder though: we are only looking for positive exposures to the foods. We are not expecting them to eat them. I repeat, we are NOT expecting that they eat these foods!
"Oh look there's Grandma's pumpkin pie that she makes every year. I can't wait to have some!"
"Wow, look at the sweet potato casserole. It's orange and it smells really sweet!"
4. Give them a "heads up" that the meal is coming.
Think of this from your child's point of view! Please do not just make your child's plate, interrupt them while they’re playing and having a blast with their cousins who they rarely see, and then expect them to come willingly sit and happily gobble up the plate of foods that aren't routinely familiar to them. I can't imagine that it'd go that well!
Instead, as you see mealtime is quickly approaching, give your child the heads up that in 3 minutes (or 5 minutes, 10 minutes, whatever your child needs) it's time to start getting their plate ready.
5. When it's time to eat, have them (or help them) make their own plate! Depending on their age and skill level, support them getting the food themselves.
You know they'll at least eat what you brought as a passing dish. What other foods are present that they may have prior exposure to? Did they show interest in any other foods when you were talking about them prior to this meal? Any foods that you think they'll probably (hopefully) try? Go for those first and in that order.
Keep any and all brand new food amounts small and underwhelming (like a dime, nickel, or quarter size - depending on the child and the food, of course), but aim for some variety on the plate. “Variety drives volume” one of my favorite SLP mentors ingrained in me.
For completely new foods, I would not push for more than 3 types of new foods during this time. We must remember, food and mealtimes are often overwhelming for these kids as it is at home…then when we add all the new variables of a holiday gathering, whoa! It can be very overwhelming to them!
Keep the opportunity for feelings of success present by not overloading or overwhelming the plate with too many new foods during holiday gatherings.
BONUS Tip…and perhaps most important to remember! :
Holidays are very food focused. For children who struggle with mealtimes (and their parents), this can add extra unnecessary anxiety to what should be a joyous occasion!
What if you gave yourself permission to let go of any focus or worry over what they will and won't eat, what they did or didn't eat? Go ahead. Let it go!
Have grace with yourself. With your child. With the entire process of introducing foods to your child’s food repertoire. It takes time, consistency, patience, trust, and so much more.
Keep holiday focus on finding gratitude, spending quality time with family, connecting with community, celebrating with love and joy!
